Stupid In Love

I am older now. I’m sitting on the passenger side of the car, and my boyfriend is driving. I’m 21 years old, finally. We’re in love and I had never been a size 0 in my entire life...until then. That was sarcasm once again. He’s yelling and before you know it I was being called a bitch. I was use to it though. That was in his top 3 for the names he would call me when he was mad. Don’t get me wrong; this isn’t the man I thought I had fallen in love with. Once upon a time, he was the prince charming I had always longed for. We believed we loved each other, but love doesn’t hit you.

You would think by now that I would have it together with men. It’s a year after my rape and I have finally met someone that I am not afraid to be around. He makes me happy and I’m comfortable with him. He understands me…and knows about my past that drags behind me. I’m not afraid to kiss him, touch him, be affectionate, nor love him; the feeling is amazing. I loved him. He loved me.

 …and never did I EVER think that he would hit me. I walk in to speak with him and it becomes a big argument. We’re standing in front of one another, and he begins to breathe heavier and heavier. Before I knew it, he had punched me in my face. I instantly fell on the floor from the hit. He began to drag me and continued to punch me. I began to scream for help. His brothers heard all of the chaos inside of the room we were in and broke into the room. His brothers saw what was happening, and they were finally able to get him off of me. After a few seconds, I began to taste the blood in my mouth. I ran to look in the mirror and my lip was bust open and constantly bleeding. My leg had a gash in it from being dragged and hitting the corner of the wall. A previous surgery wound was also reopened from me trying to protect myself…not to mention the side of my face had a gash.

His brothers helped me get “rid of the evidence” and I called a friend to come and pick me up. In the meantime, my EX was sitting my belongings outside of the door, and went on to call me the usual bitch and foul words. My friend finally pulled up and I was standing outside holding tissue on my mouth to stop the bleeding…it was still constant. She begins yelling and asking me who had done “that” to me. She knew it was him.

 

 See, my friend never liked my boyfriend. She didn’t like the way he would treat me.  I had always told my friend that I was afraid of him after the verbal abuse got so bad. I even made a video just in case something happened to me…I wanted my family to know who was responsible. (I showed my friend the video after the hitting incident), and once again she began to tell me that I needed to leave him. She told me that I deserved better and I didn’t deserve to be treated that way. And you know what? I finally left.

I was so tired of getting abused in my life. Why was this happening to me again? Why can’t a man be nice to me? What is wrong with me? Those were the types of questions going through my mind…

Just remember that you are a survivor! Stronger than you can imagine =) Some people are just placed in our lives to strengthen us…believe it or not.

You never know whose life you can impact with your words. If you see a friend in trouble…help that friend. Sometimes we can be so in love that we make excuses for our partner. In this case, my excuses became beyond old for him. As any woman out there we have to stay strong, and for the men…control those tempers, hands, and protect us women. =)

 -Justice

"Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over." -Octavia Butler